a letter to Aiden

My dearest Aiden,

I have loved you since the second you were born. I’m so sorry that you had to leave this earth so soon. I will always love you. I will never forget you, I can promise you that.  You have changed my life forever. Even though you were only here for a short period of time, you have touched more lives in one month than most people can in a lifetime. There is so much love for you, even from complete strangers. People looked forward to hearing how you were doing. People from all over the world were praying for you. You have been such an inspiration.  Through you we know that miracles do happen. You are such a strong little boy. You had so much fight in you it was unbelievable.  I am so sorry you had to go through that. No baby should ever have to endure what you went through. But you never gave up. You have taught me to never give up and never lose hope.

I only got to hold you for a short time but in that time, you and me bonded more than any mother and child ever could in a lifetime. I was so honored to give you your first and last bath. It is a memory that I will hold with me forever. You took your last breathes and died in my arms as I snuggled you as close to me as I possibly could. You held onto my finger with your little hand and you squeezed it so tightly.

I never got to rock you sleep, dress you up in cute little outfits or feed you a bottle.  I never even got to see your gorgeous blue eyes or hear you cry.  You have never seen my face but I know that you knew my voice. I never got to sing you a song or read you a book. I wish that I could of seen you kick your legs.

Every time I walk in your room I picture myself putting you to sleep in your crib. Or you cooing to your light projector. I picture you crying and me picking you up and soothing you. When I’m in your room I picture what life could have been like with you here.

I will make sure that Savannah and Sierra  will never forget who you are.  You have been a part of their lives since the day I found out I was pregnant with you. Matter of fact, Sierra was the first person to know that I was pregnant. Your sisters were so excited that they were going to be big sisters. They gave you a hug and a kiss every night while you were in my belly. Even though they never met you, they love you so much.

I’m sorry that you had to be born sick.  I never wanted this for you. I wish that I could of traded places with you. We knew that you were sick before we had you but that didn’t change the fact that we loved you and we wanted to give you life. I know that you were put on this earth for a reason. Now you are an angel looking down on us. I love you and I will see you again one day.

                                                                                           Love Always,

                                                                                              Mommy